Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
