Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
