I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
