You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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