Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
