If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
