thus making me awesome and them whores
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
