remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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