He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
