I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
