I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
