My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
