someone get that fucking seahorse.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You ruined the universe
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