ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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