hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
