Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
