I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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