Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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