So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
this is an emotional support booty call
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
