Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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