D3 body, D1 cock
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
