This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
