dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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