My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize