break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
