Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
