i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
