Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
