He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
