Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
His nipple licking is glorious
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