As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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