Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
