Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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