I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
