My hair reeks of homosexuality.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
