She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
