so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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