Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
