through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
