it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
