So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
