so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
