So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
