My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
