it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Randomize
