im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
they're like a gay fantastic four
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
