allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You are the jesus of drinking
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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