why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize