we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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