bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
