I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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