I heard we made out
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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