What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
