Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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