Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
