I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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