I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
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I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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