JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize