you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
