'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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