youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
