pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
