Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Drunk is not a location!
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