My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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