the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
