Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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