didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
