I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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