Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
