Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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