i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
