McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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