If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
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Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
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ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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