I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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