lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
