After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
