who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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