Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
