one two three fourrrrnication!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
