do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
